Bonny Snowdon 00:06
Hello, I'm Bonny Snowdon, ex-corporate person, a mother turned successful artist entrepreneur. It wasn't that long ago though that I lacked the confidence, vision and support network to focus on growing my dream business. Fast forward past many life curveballs, waves of self-doubt and so many lessons learned and you'll see Ignite, my thriving online colour pencil artists community, a community that changes members' lives for the better and gives me freedom to live abundantly whilst doing what I love and spending quality time with my beloved family and dogs, all whilst creating my best artwork with coloured pencils, and mentoring others to do the same. But this life wasn't always how it was for me, it used to only exist in my imagination. I've created the It's a Bonny Old Life podcast to help increase people's confidence, share mine and my community's experience and hope through fascinating personal stories, champion the other amazing humans in my personal, professional and membership community, and create another channel through which I can support others to realize their dreams. If you're a passionate coloured pencil artist, or an aspiring one who's looking to create their best work, and a joyful life you love, you're in the right place. Grab a cuppa and a custard cream, let's get cracking.
This week, I want to talk about boundaries, andries and the lack of them and how it's incredibly important to build them to live a life that you want to live and to actually get rid of feeling a bit rubbish when you have to say no to somebody or people taking advantage of you.So yeah, sit back with your cup of tea. Have a listen to this and let me know what you think.
Boundaries are the rules we set ourselves to protect us from the outside world. Boundaries come in lots of different forms. I think they can be boundaries. We set ourselves around our internal voice and they are definitely things we need to set for how we live our lives and how we allow people to treat us. I have struggled for many years with not having boundaries in place, so much so that I was taken advantage of and walked all over. I know I'm not alone in this, and I know there are many people out there who may come across as being really strong and having everything together, but just look under the surface a little and you'll find someone struggling with setting their boundaries. Like me, you'll see people always saying yes, doing things they probably don't want to do, but feel they have to either to keep the peace outwardly or to keep the peace inwardly, because if you say no, then they won't like you.
I've found that actually I have pretty strong boundaries and they're usually flagged with gut, feeling an instinct, a red flag to show that something isn't right. It's acting on these feelings or not acting on them, where the issues start to arise. Ignore your gut feeling at your peril. I would say every single gut feeling I've had over the years has proved to be right, and if I'd acted on them right at the beginning, then I wouldn't have got myself into certain situations. I used to be taken advantage of it on a regular basis. I love to help people and I always think the best of people. I had a rather large gut feeling about a certain situation, which I totally ignored. I wanted to believe that the feeling I had about this person was wrong, that it would all be okay. Suddenly it wasn't. They turned out to be exactly what my gut had warn me about and caused me quite a few issues that could have been avoided if I'd have listened and if I'd had got, healthy boundaries. To not allow people like that into my life is really challenging.
Setting up boundaries if you haven't had them before, people don't like it. When you suddenly start to say no, well, you start to stick up for yourself and the feeling you get when you first start acting on your boundaries. It is very, very strange. If you're used to saying yes to everything, to allowing people to take advantage and walking all over you, then acting on your boundaries is actually really quite tough. The feeling of, oh my gosh, they aren't going to like me anymore. If I say I don't want to do what they're asking me or that I'm gonna let them down.
I was brought up with a message consideration for other people as a mantra, other people always before me, and that's not always healthy. Setting boundaries has helped me enormously to find more time for the things I really want to do. It has allowed me to remove people who don't fit how I want to live. My life has allowed me to even remove people from my membership if I feel they aren't the right fit, and that is usually mutually beneficial as they then can find the right person to learn from. Not everyone is the right fit and understanding that makes a much nicer life. It's actually hugely empowering to be able to say, no, I'm so sorry, but it's just not something I want to do. This gives you more time and opportunity to do the things you actually want to do. Of course, there are always times where even if you don't want to do something, it's the right thing to do, and actually that can bring about all sorts of opportunities. I'm certainly not saying just stay in your bubble and don't venture out of your comfort zone. That would lead to a very boring life. What I am saying is don't allow other people to dictate what you want to do with your life. Have some good boundaries in place so you feel comfortable saying yes or no, so that your answer fits with what you want to do, not because you feel you have to please someone.
In the last few years of my marriage, my boundaries were nonexistent. I felt there was just no point having any because they would cause arguments and inevitably sadness and tears, so I just avoided all kinds of subjects. Money, family, job, hobby. I'd open my mouth to say something about my work and then immediately shut it again because that would lead to family or money, and then that would lead to a huge argument or being totally shut down, so I just didn't bother. If an argument did happen, then I would be the one to apologize for something I hadn't done, but again, it was much easier to live, live like this. Looking back, of course, what I should have done is stood up for myself, but that's a very easy thing to say in hindsight and something really hard to do in the spare of the moment.
Having come out of that relationship, I did have a couple more years where my boundaries were still pretty much non-existent whilst doing the work for the Academy launch, meeting certain people and working on my issues, boundaries came up a lot, and I worked with the amazing Susie Pearl setting mine. I found it really, really hard to begin with, and I re, I remember laughing out loud when I told her that I didn't know how to let people down say no or remove some from my life. I told her that when I tried to do these things, it always came out as passive aggressive, which is really not what I had intended. It's taken me quite a while to be able to say, no, stand up for myself and understand that having boundaries is a very important, healthy way of living. It's enabled me to speak my truth and not just use excuses. My excuses, usually I don't have time. It's actually given me more time to do the things I want to do. It's enabled me to not even get wound up by unkind people and trolls. Of course, the more you put yourself out there, the more you get the nasty comments, et cetera. Having boundaries like I'm not affected by hurtful comments from someone I don't know means you can just delete if you wish, block if you want, and get on with your life.
I'm not very sociable, which might sound a bit odd as I love chatting to people. I love my Zoom calls and I love a night out with a small group of people who I know my worst nightmare is getting dressed up and going to a big party or gathering where I don't know most of the people. Of course, I'll go and it'll be fine, but unless it's something important, then usually I'll use the excuse that I've got something else on or I don't have time, and then I feel really guilty by setting myself boundaries. I can now happily say, oh, no, thanks. It sounds lovely, but it's not something I want to do. That way you aren't stuck with someone continually asking you the same question. You speak the truth as to how you're feeling, and that's that. So if you're a little like me struggling with your boundaries, it does take a while to build them up and live by them, but they are definitely worth the challenge and their short period of uncomfortableness. It will mean you can live the life you want to live doing the things that are important to you.
I really hope you enjoyed listening to this episode of my, It's a Bonny Old Life podcast. If you did, I'd be so grateful to you for emailing me or texting a link to the show or sharing it on social media with those you know who might like it too. My mission with this podcast is all about sharing mine and my community's experience and hope by telling your fascinating personal stories, jump in in the other amazing humans in my personal, professional, and membership community, and to create another channel through which I can support you to realize your coloured pencil and life dreams. If you haven't done so yet, please help me on my mission to spread positivity and joy throughout the coloured pencil world by following me on my socials at Bonny Snowden Academy or by getting on my list at bonnysnowdenacademy.com. And remember, I truly believe if I can live the life of my dreams doing what I love, then you can too. We just need to keep championing and supporting each other along the way in order to make it happen. Till next time.
