Hello, I'm Bonny Snowdon, ex-corporate person and mother turned successful artist entrepreneur. It wasn't that long ago though that I lacked the confidence, vision, and support network to focus on growing my dream business. Fast forward past many life curve balls, waves of self-doubt, and so many lessons learned. And you'll see Ignite, my thriving online coloured pencils artist community, a community that changes members' lives for the better,
and gives me freedom to live abundantly whilst doing what I love and spending quality time with my beloved family and dogs, all whilst creating my best artwork with coloured pencils and mentoring others to do the same. But this life wasn't always how it was for me. It used to only exist in my imagination. I've created the, it's a Bonny old life podcast to help increase people's confidence, share mine and my community's experience, and hope through fascinating personal stories, champion the other amazing humans in my personal, professional, and membership community, and create another channel through which I can support others to realize their dreams. If you're a passionate coloured pencil artist or an aspiring one who's looking to create their best work and a joyful life you love, you are in the right place. Grab a cuppa and a custard cream. Let's get cracking.
Gosh, honestly, hold onto your pants because the, the next hour and a bit is like a whirlwind. I am talking to the amazing wimpy eventer, Victoria Brant. I've known Vic for quite a few years now, and she is quite frankly, awesome. She is a, a force of nature. She's just the most amazing woman. It's a little bit sweary and there's also a, just a trigger warning around miscarriage as well. Vic has her own way of being able to cope with things as everybody does. When these dreadful things happen, she talks about it very candidly, and this is her way of dealing and coping with something dreadful that happened. So I'm just giving you a little bit of a warning there.
It's not all the way through. It's just a a, a portion. We just sort of co come into it, but what a fantastic conversation with her. Absolutely. Gorgeous woman.
Hello? Hello. You made it. Honestly, I hate it when it does that. Oh, don't You hate zoom? You know when you're like, right, and then it's like, please download the latest version. You're like, No. Well, normally you can just avoid that and go through a browser, but it wouldn't let me, I dunno whether it's, have you put some high quality recording device on your screen? No, I've, I got a really high quality. Yeah. Does It, do I look amazing? Look At that plant.
Is that a real plant in the background? Oh, It's, it's to hide the, that's the messy corner. It looks great. Yeah. I think I've got dogs in here. Four dogs in here. All lying around. Laz, about, I'm so nosy. I love those cupboards as well. Yeah. So they're full of Crap hides Full of,
full of art stuff. Yeah. I have my, I have my studio done two years ago with it last year, the year before. Just cuz I, I'm so, so messy. I'm so flipping Of confidence. You were like, I think one of the first things you said to me was, I'm not good enough this, you told me that you thought you weren't,
were now look bloody How Is so funny? Honestly, I I I It is, it is funny, isn't it? How things just sort of, It's just snowballed, doesn't it? Yeah. I mean, I've worked, I have worked, I have worked really hard, but, but I haven't just sat a few Pictures. No, but you,
you, you know, even when you work really, I, I think I've had very, I've been very intentional about what, what I wanted to do, I think, and, and I've, I've taken my business. I'm not saying other people don't take their business seriously, but I have a real passion for my business and I, and I,
I put an awful lot, I invest an awful lot in the business and in my development, so I'm always doing some kind of a course. Always. Oh, yeah. And I And you think that That helps you have a more successful business, do you? Yeah. And you don't think your time would be better spent doing than learning to do?
I'm doing the doing, I'm doing the art and everything, but the, what I'm doing now with my business, if I didn't learn how to do it, it Wouldn't work. I wouldn't be able to do it because I always thought I was really good at marketing or, or, you know, not bad at marketing. I, I, I took a,
like a marketing diploma or whatever and, and I've worked in marketing in, in a previous life and I always thought, you know, I know, I kind of know, I know you are a marketer and I always thought, you know, I'm, I'm pretty good at marketing. The membership side of marketing is so different. Yeah, it is.
Like, you know, You mean like Patreon or? No, my, like my membership, my, my Ignite membership. So Patreon Yeah. But in a similar vein, like getting subscribers. Yes. Sign up to a course or Yeah. Yeah. That's completely, I completely agree. Yeah. It's completely different because it's all about funnels and pipelines and lead magnets and this and this and this and this and this,
and what's the journey. And it's just completely different and learning how to do these different things and learning how to, you know, like a mailing list. Yeah. How do you, how do you use a mailing list? It's been an incredible learning thing, But you've got so many more arms to your business now than just selling portraits and pictures. Yeah.
And that, that's really, that's something like, I'm like, I wanna pick your brains on because it's like, that's a big change from what you were doing. Yeah. Big change. Yeah. Huge. I mean, teaching has always been something that I've been pa you know, when I was coaching, I was also teaching people to be a coach or teaching people in leadership.
So I was running sort of groups of people through an i l m course, you know, something like that. So obviously working with, you know, guidelines and everything and we had to work with certain criteria and they had to do certain things, but very much getting into that space of sharing knowledge and, and teaching. And it was always something that I wanted to do.
And it's something that I think I naturally do anyway. You know, when I like people. So when, when, when Lucy, who's, she's been working for me nearly three years now. When she first started, she was a social media expert. That's why she came, came on board for a couple of days a week and she had like a little list Done,
a great job. Brilliant. She, you know, she had a little list of things that she had to, to tick off, this is what we should be doing, Bonnie. She went through all of my social media and she said, I could not tick one thing off my list. And I sat there and I was like, how has she managed to get all of these followers without following all of these things that you're supposed to do?
And then she was like, it's working. So I just throw the list out, Throw it out the window. Yeah. Because with, for me, with social media, it's always been me excited about wanting to share something. And that's, that's the same with you as well. That's all that, that's all that does. Well though, I think genuine,
heartfelt, passionate content is the only thing that has longevity. Yeah. Social media. I, I, I will, I refuse to believe anything else. Yeah, no, it really, I Think it's all a load of shit. The what is this algorithm? What, why do you even think about that? Just don't even think about that word.
Post something that you love that makes you feel something and it'll make someone else feel something. No, I know we're All humans, we're all wired like pretty much the same way. So if you read something you've written and it makes you feel something Yeah. Someone else is gonna feel something like it's not, it's that basic people overanalyze so much. I know,
I know. It is definitely the over the overthinking thing, and when you are trying to, to help somebody or, or teach somebody how to grow their, you know, their Facebook or their Instagram, whatever, I always come at it from the, from the point of just be you just bring your personality and write your content that you are, you know,
when you post stuff, be excited about posting it. I completely agree. I think it depends on what sort of person you are. Some people need to be less of themselves though. I will also say that Probably. No, not you. I think, yeah, I think we're all, I think we can all just go and, you know,
I, you know, if you don't like something that somebody's saying, you, you can just, Ah, just move on. And that's, that's the, that's the pain of it all, isn't it? Because people don't just move on. Do they? They feel like they've gotta have something to say. But I, and I think I've crossed that bridge this week a few times where things aren't going so well and I share something and because,
you know, like I have got a whole world outside of the internet and I don't share everything all of the time. So I share what I want people to know about me that I'm happy to share on the internet. That does not mean that that is the start of finish of my life and my day. Yeah. And so people assume things based on the gaps that they've chosen to fill for themselves.
And that's where I really struggle, particularly at the moment where I just think, yeah, I've got some problems with the horse. Right. And that has not been, oh, he went layette shelford on Tuesday. That is like four years of nursing aloneness that I now have exhausted every knowledgeable option that I have. I've used avett, I've used thermal imaging,
I've used the two different barriers. I've tried everything I can other than full investigative X-rays and I just, and I didn't, I don't want to go down that route because if you look for something, you'll find it. And if I'm looking for arthritis in a course that's 18, I'll find it. If I'm looking for bone chips, I'll find them.
You know, if I'm looking for holes in his tendons, I'll find, I'll find it all. You know, he not, he's not five years old, you know, he has done a lot. And I, I'm gonna find a lot more than I don't wanna see. I don't wanna, I don't wanna see any of that stuff because I know that the,
the prognosis from the vet is gonna be, well, he either retires or you put him to sleep. Yeah. And that's what I'm facing this week and I know that, but I just don't, I don't want it in cold hard facts. Yeah. So that's why Oh gosh. Like, that's why I've been avoiding it. It's just shit. I just feel like it's like the end of,
of everything I've worked for, this is the end of riding that horse ever again. Probably. That's the, and I, because I, I've done, I've done everything I can. Yeah, yeah. Everything that I can afford to do, I've done. Yeah. And so this is it. This is just confirmation that it can't get any better with the financial outlay that I can afford,
so, Oh gosh. Yeah. So that's where, that's where we're, yeah. Closing, closing the book. But we're not, we're not closing the book. We're probably opening an opening another one. Hopefully. Yes. But let's, let's, let's just rewind and tell me who you're, yeah. Tell, tell me who I Are. You,
yeah. Who am I? So I'm a very unassuming person that was an overshare on the internet back before people overshared on a daily basis. And I think I, like you caught a wave that was far bigger than I ever expected it to be. And I'm riding it right into the sand right now. So I think 2016 I had a horse that I was,
I thought was great and put him out on loan because of a probably slightly messier divorce than it could have been. So I got married quite young, divorced someone who I wasn't very well matched to. And I lesson about that the better. I had a horse that I couldn't afford to keep. So he went out and alone, came back and he was not the horse that I sent out.
He was quite hot and full of himself. And I had my then, well now husband, then boyfriend at the time, sat watching the horse, came down the drive, got him off, he looked fabulous, saddled him up, got on, well I think I stayed on for all of 15 seconds before it went Absolutely ape shit. And went really to get me off.
And I went flying across the sand school and that was where it all started. All of the problems then escalated from that point. I had a horse that was just consistently trying to throw me off, but then I just chucked in a field for six months. I thought, well let his brain calm down a bit. Brought him back in, got back on him and it wasn't much different.
So probably where all of the issues that I've now got stemmed from, we'll probably find out that he's had something wrong with him the whole time. But at the time I thought, we can work through this. And so I did put him up for sale a couple of times, but I thought it was on my honeymoon to my now husband. But I said,
right, we're going home and we're gonna tackle this head on and I'm gonna start going outta venting. I could, I couldn't even get on at that point. There was a lot of sweating. There was, yeah. Just, I don't really know what I thought I was doing. I could have gone, oh, let's go home and just start hacking or go home and maybe do a bit of dressage in two years time.
But no, Vic wanted to go outing. So I started a Facebook page to document it more than anything else. And within, I'd say that was in August. By November it had been picked up by the Horse and Hound magazine and a couple of quite large online eventing publications at the time was just like little mini blog posts on Facebook that I just wrote about how shit scared I was.
And like, I remember going on a clinic and I'd had four nervous poos that morning. And I just, and I told people like, I didn't give a, I didn't give a crap up who, what people thought of me. I just saw I'm just gonna document everything so that I know in a year's time I can look back and be like,
God, I was so scared then, you know? And I, and now look at me. I was like, I thought this would be a good progress reporting page. And it turns out lots of other people thought the same thing. And I'll skip the next part, but like three books later. So I, I put the Facebook page into a first book,
committed to selling a thousand signed copies signed by me and the horse. Hadn't thought of the logistics, thought maybe my mom would buy 12. I would buy another eight, make it to 20. I'll stamp a few with a horseshoe. Well, I sold about two and a half thousand pre-orders and ended up having to stamp the lot cause I felt so guilty.
I think I had probably six or seven blisters for about two weeks from just pressing a horse's shoe into an ink pad and then pressing it onto a page and leaving 40 books open on my front room floor. And then, oh, it was just a joke. So, and you illustrated them obviously. That's how we met. And I then made a second and a third,
and I've sold 25, about 25,000 copies, hard copies, paperbacks, and then probably another 10,000 Kindle versions. I think it makes me, I think I'm in the top self-publish in the uk. Haven't had a look last week. So that's amazing. It's a nice, it's a nice considering, you know, not a single page has been proofread by anybody professional.
There's, they're littered with spelling mistakes and swearing and the layout wasn't good. The typefaces, the whole, the, the way I've mashed those books together is rubbish. And that's why this year I've committed and what are we on the 5th of June? And this is now making it very public, isn't it? I am committing to reworking them into an actual book that I dare hand to someone and say,
I've written this. That isn't just rubbish. So like, just reworking the content, taking out all the spelling mistakes, laying it out slightly better and adding a bit more like exclusive content and reworking all three into one standalone book and republishing it. Maybe going down a published route this time, because I don't have the time to post out 20,000 copies from my front room anymore.
Now I got two children and a husband in a full-time job. So yeah, I, I feel like that side of things, it's, it did really snowball, like we said. But then from the books, I have obviously kept the Facebook page going and that's now a 60 something thousand followers and the engagement is still really high. That's what I think still to this day astounds me.
There's people so heavily invested in what I'm doing with my life that they feel like they know me. And I love going to places like badminton horse trials where people come up to you and they're like, oh, Vic, you know, like I'm the one with the horse. I'm like, oh yeah, you know, you with the horse. You know,
the ones that I, I really have prided myself on, like, trying really hard to reply to everybody that messages or, you know, I, and it's, it's really hard now. And I will say my unread are just, it's just disgusting and I hate that. But I do really try and sit down at least once a week and try and clear that because,
you know, people have taken this time to invest so heavily in my success and my progression that I think I owe them that. So I hate, I do, you know what I, I, I, I completely agree and sometimes it is really, really hard. I just, I did a post a while ago and it's got, I dunno how many million views and it's got like a thousand and something,
nearly 2000 credit. How do you not go through and like have to even just them all? I know, I know. So you really, you do. It's unsustainable. Well, it's, it's, it's unsustainable. You know, my screen time was just looking today, my screen time is like five hours a day already. I can't do anymore.
No. But you know, I, I do think people understand, I do think people understand, and I'm sure you are very much like me. You know, you, you will go through, you will read what people say and it's, you know, it's lovely looking at what, what the lovely things that people say. Yeah. And if somebody asks a question,
you will take the time to answer it. Yeah. And I'll always, now, even if I can't go through and acknowledge every comment, I'll always come on like midway through and I've read every single one. Yeah. And I will put like a general, like just a thank you because I just can't get back to everybody. It's just impossible. But people know that people don't,
But I am, I am just so, I'm so grateful for the support and I don't think I'd have kept doing it if I didn't have that. So then from from that support, it was, oh, you should do this, you should do some merch, you should do some hoodies or like brave pants. And then I've gone, oh, alright then I'll do that.
And so, and then I sold, I recognized done probably over a thousand pairs of pants for some nickers on the internet. That's funny, isn't it? So I've just recently pulled it all back just because I'm just reframing the way I work at the moment just because obviously things are changing on the horse front and things are changing on the work front. And I just feel like wimpy camps take up quite a lot of my time.
So from three, maybe four years ago, just before Covid typical, we launched the Wimpy Weekender and I've done, this'll be tw number 12, 12 camps in and I, they are the best days of my life. They, I I love them so much. I would do it every day if I could. It is the best experience I've ever gone on.
I just, I, I can't tell you how much they mean just you get there on the Friday. And so I take 50 women and men actually. So the last count, 50? Yeah, 55. Yeah. Brilliant. 50 50 people, 35 horses. So I can only, I've only found two venues that can accommodate up to 35. So I take 35 horses,
50 people. I get, I've got four trainers. So dress, ours showed up in cross country Pilates and physio. And then I have like demo riders in, we do demonstrations on and we do Willie washing last year. That was a good one. Horse. Always a bit of fun. Yeah. My husband wishes it was for him. Yeah.
Can someone come and wash my Willie please? Yeah. It's just, it's just a whole experience weekend. But the whole thing and everything, it's not about the training. And I don't say that with any discredit to my trainers, but it's not about what you are learning how to do on your horse. It's how you are learning to do it. And it's,
everything is geared up towards supporting each other and having a laugh and you know, when you feel like you just can't do anymore. And the amount of people that have been in that position at these camps, they'll sit there on their horse and they're shaking and they're crying. And I just, that, that for me is where I know I have a purpose because I can poke them into doing stuff that they didn't think they could do.
And I, I get quite emotional about it because, and I, and I refer to one woman all of the time because she stands out so much and she is one of the most terrified horse riders I have ever met in my entire life. And I thought I had problems and confidence issues in this saddle. This, this lady in particular, she,
she cannot, she just freezes everything in her human body cannot function. And she just shuts down and she's shaking and crying and I just, and she's, she's fucking there doing it. She's coming on every camp I've got now and she's out there having a lesson with three other people in an arena. She's trotting around, you know, it takes me a good hour to convince her to do it,
but she's, she's doing it. And then she'll take that and she does it then at home and she'll send me pictures and I just, and I saw this week she's gone out and she's not riding like when she's taking the horse out, but she's taken 'em out, done a groundwork session, you know, she's still out there doing stuff with this horse.
And, and I know that she's doing it because of what I've given her, like with the tools to be able to go out and have a go. And I just think, ah, I just wanna do that for everybody that ever thinks that they're not good enough, you know, and you don't have to be shit. I've got some riders that are way better riders than me,
some young girls that I just look at. And I think, God, what the potential in some of these riders is incredible. If they could just get past that. I don't want people looking at me while I'm doing it or, you know, there's always a reason, a catalyst or someone's low confidence. I just think I pick away enough to be able to learn what that is and be able to nurture the other areas to just swallow it up.
You know, you're too good not to be riding in front of those people to just fucking get on and do it. You know, I'm quite, I'm quite mean. And that's why, that's why I took myself out of the teaching position. I've taken a few of the cross-country lessons and I, I'm, I'm angry. I'm like, don't do it.
You know, they shout and I scream and you know, after three days I have no voice left. And, and they, they just, my return rate is over 80%, so it's about 87% return rate. So everyone that comes to one comes to another and another and another, some people have been to the mall. Amazing. And I just feel like I I,
I love them. I love them so much that I, I mean I could talk about 'em all day, but it's just, it's just really, it's a really special place. And once you've been, it's like a drug, you know? And I feel, I feel it, I feel, I feel it when, you know, I wanna do them all the time.
I'm like, oh, can you do one down south? I'm like, yeah, I suppose I can. I'm like, I'm teetering on the edge of book, another one for August Bank holiday weekend in the south. And I know my husband will kill me. Like he ain't got the holiday left to look after the kids. Like, I just do this all the time.
What it is, its, isn't it, it is, like you say, it is a little bit like a, a drug in fact that you see these people who, they're there, they want to do it, but they, they literally have something holding them back, you know? And it's, but You know, knowing that they're good enough Yeah.
Is the, is the hardest part for me. It's like, don't, don't waste that. You're too good to not do this. You know, you, you're getting too much enjoyment out of it when you do do it to not to let another day go by not doing it. You know, it's, it's very, I mean that it, that's just,
it's just confidence thing, isn't it? It's, it's a confidence thing. It's a, it's a courage thing. It's an overthinking thing. It's an internal voice thing. You know, that internal voice that that's going on. Like you were saying, these young girls, oh gosh, I don't want to be, don't want anybody looking at me. You know,
you almost wanna put my 52 year old brain into their head. And it's like, I don't give a, I don't give a task what people think. I'm just gonna go out there. And because you, I think you get to a stage in your life where not everybody granted, but I think I've certainly got to a stage in my life life where I'm like,
I really like who I am. Yes. I'm very comfortable with who I am. You know, I, I know what I like, I know how, how I want to behave and I'm really comfortable with that. But I Think everybody has the potential to be there. Yeah. And I just think like you've, everybody has that decision to make you have the decision to like who you are.
It's okay to like who you are, like categorically telling you right now that it's actually a really fucking nice feeling to like who you are. And I just think one that doesn't like you. I am, I've always been a real people pleaser. I was thinking about it, I was thinking back in the bath last night, I thought, you know,
I don't think I've ever met anybody that's outwardly said, I don't like you very much. You know, like I, people that fickle that if they don't like you, they'll go away and talk about you behind your back. But if you choose not to see that, you know, there's, there's this awful website called Tattle Life that talks about in influencers of any geese on,
on the internet, they're talking about them. And so they're awful people, you know, and you choose to ignore something like that. You could choose to ignore people that perhaps don't like you or, you know, but sometimes I think you can fabricate things in your own head that people might think about you because of your own insecurities. Just, just get rid of those and you can just,
you can just be so much happier and know that's a really easy thing to say. But I've spent the last six years trying to get rid of something so desperately that has affected such a big area of my life. And I know it's ridiculous. It's a very first world problem to be frightened of a horse you own. But it affects so much of my outward life.
You know, my personality completely changes when there's something going wrong with my equestrian life because it's been such a big part of me for so long that I've, I've had to address it because I couldn't have been that miserable bitch for, for the rest of my life. And now there's loads of us, there's loads of us, there's loads of people that feel the same way.
I'm like, I'm not on my own with this anymore. That's excellent. Cuz now we can all try and help each other get through it. And that's, that's the network that people talk about on my tribe, you know, I think. But the tribe of people that you choose to surround yourself with, the actual ones that support you are the ones that are the same as you that are dealing with the same issues that you are.
And that is a lot more people than I think most people realize. Definitely. I think people think when they have a, when they have a problem, whatever's going on, you know, personal life, business, whatever, I think everybody has it and it's not self-centered, but we always think I'm the only one that's going through this. Huh. And it's all the time and it's not,
it isn't. No. And I, and I, I, I think it's, it's even more highlighted when you have kids and there's a certain framework that you have to fit to being a parent. And I'll tell you now, I do everything I can not to fit to it because I don't want to be, I don't want to be that like stereotypical,
ah, everything's going perfect all the time. So I do things that perhaps I shouldn't do to break the mold of parenting for other people because I know somebody's got to, you know, I, I feel like I let Rose eat a lump of bird shit yesterday. She's, she's disgusting. And I know that's rank, but System's gonna be 16 months old.
I thought you've gotta find, I can't, I can't keep saying not in your mouth. I feel like it's the only thing I say to her at the moment. She like it. What? No, it was disgusting and I don't think she'll ever do it again. Because then obviously I had to go andwell her mouth out, wash her hands and that whole process was like,
oh, that was awful. So hopefully, you know, she maybe do it one, two or more times. But I just think eventually she'll know that that's disgusting. And I, I, but I, I know that there aren't a lot of people that would sit and watch their child eat lump chicken shit. So, you know, I, I do appreciate that on a parenting scale,
I'm perhaps, and I do and I talk to people that I, I am probably slightly more unorthodox as a parent cuz I'm, I'm very, let's just see, let's let it happen. You know? And I'm amazed I have not had more tricks to a and e particularly with George who's now three and a half. I, I feel like I've been a,
let's just see, let's just, let's just see how that works out. You wanna get off that pony by just slithering down and landing on the floor. Let's see how that works out, shall we? Well, you know, I, that's how I, that's how I grew up. I grew up on a, I want say a farm. It wasn't a farm,
it was a small holding. I, I have memories of herds of cows. Actually we only had one cow. I tell a story about how, cause I have lots of siblings and how we'd been in the hen house in this and I've got a vision of it. And we got stuck because this herd of herd of cows was kind of coming round.
And we had to send the fastest runner out to go and get help, which was my, my my older sister. And, and I was kind of recounting this and she was like, Bonnie, we had one cow, it was a jersey cow called Clara. And she was, you know, it wasn't true. But I grew up with, with animals and,
and animals are still my, my comfort zone. I I want animals around me all the time. And I was always at the age of two, three in the barn asleep with the lambs and you know, playing around with the pigs and covered in. And I would probably say I have got a really good immune system. I'm, I'm hardly Yeah,
That's great. But I think, and my children, my, my youngest son, I mean now he, he wears designer clothes and he has so much aftershave, it's unbelievable. But when he was liable, literally every single picture I've got, he has covered in mud. Yeah. Covered in mud. I, I think it's, it's nice memories to have growing up like that as well.
And I think I had quite a similar upbringing, but I just feel like I don't want to be that neurotic mother and I know I could easily slip into that. I know. Cuz deep down, you know, I've still got baby monitors on my kids and one of them is not even a baby anymore. You know, I know I could be that person if I let myself,
but I think I've tried really hard to just be like, oh, that's ok. We'll just see how this goes. Get mommy a drink. Speaking of drink, I'm, I'm now, so I'm, I'm on a bit of a, another bit of a journey which is want into a more financially fruitful career path hopefully. I just feel like for the last few years where I've obviously been out having kids,
I've lost a bit of myself. And I think it can quite easily happen, particularly for women when, when you think, right. So I'm kind of resigning myself to churning out a couple of kids now I've got to the point where we can't leave it any longer and I've gotta have like nine months of sobriety and probably give up smoking. And so I've done all of that.
I made those sacrifices and now I feel like I've gotta claw something back for me. And we've also bought a house during that time at auction and it was a shed. I mean it was like a derelict shed and we are in it and it's got walls and it's got central heating and plumbing and we've spent a lot of money. But I just feel like I've now got a real buzz for something else.
I love property, particularly this Georgian style of house. I wanna do it again and, but I wanna be able to do it so my husband doesn't have to work quite so hard. So there's a financial draw on everything I do at the moment. And I think I've got, I've gotta start making some money. So here's me like absolutely barely breaking even for the last few years because I'm so ridiculous financially with the businesses.
And I'm like, oh, for like the wimpy weekends, they should make me loads of money. But I'm like, oh, let's just get some more stuff for the goody bags. Or I'm such a spin. I'm like, oh, it doesn't matter. We don't need to make any money outta this. You know, it's ridiculous. It should be making a lot of money,
but it's not. And so this year I'm really overhauling from a business point of view, everything. So I've completely reframed what it is that I do for a living. I've always worked in marketing and I actually analyze which parts of marketing that I have always found easy and been good at. And that hasn't actually been marketing at all. So I've always,
whether the business that I've worked for has wanted it or not, I've always dipped in as like a kind of consultant to a director and advised on business decisions for growth. And so I thought, well that's what I'm, I'm really good at, I'm really good at seeing the wood for the trees in a business that perhaps has got a bit stagnant or,
and like, I love seeing growth. I love growth in sales. I love growth in the owner's confidence. I love growth in numbers on socials. I love, I just love the vision of growth. And so I thought, you know, I think this could benefit a lot of businesses. You know, dipping into a business for a period of time outlining how they could be more successful,
make more money, and then giving them the tools to not have to pay me a retainer and then like be successful and feel like they own that success. I'll tell you now, I love it and I love it and I'm, I'm only like four weeks into this reframing, but it's changed everything about my perception of work as well. Like, I've had client call this morning,
I've got another one this afternoon. Everything's changing and I love the direction it's going in. I feel really successful already now. I was like one client sign up by the end of June. That was my goal and I've had four in the last 48 hours. And I love, I love it. I love being on the phone to someone and just hearing them go from hello.
So the first question I ask them is how they see the business. And then I'll talk a lot for the best part of an hour and just give them a bit of a flavor of how their business could look and then ask them again at the end. Like, how do you feel about now? How do you feel about it? You know, where are we gonna go with this in the next three years?
And the difference just in that hour, it's like, and that's free. I offer that for free. I know I shouldn't be my, my husband hates about That. But that's, but you know, the the free stuff I think is so, I think is important for, for, for a, for a people, for a people pleaser. I'm a,
I'm a massive people pleaser to give stuff for free. Make it ok. Yeah. And I, and I said about this business, you know, if they don't make what I've cost them back, they can have it for free. I'm that confident in what I can do that if they don't cover their costs in like three months, I'll do it for three.
I just, I've got, I I I, I like, I just saw that eye roll, that's the eye. No, no, No. It wasn't an eye roll. I was, I was about to say, you know, people No, I completely agree. Yeah. People don't know. Yeah. You know, And you get so bogged down,
you know, when you're, when you're running a bit any business and you just, you you know, kind of what you want at the end, but you just keep on doing the same, it's the same with everything. You just keep on doing the same old, same old and you don't, it's almost like you can't, you don't have the time or the energy to be able to look up and go,
oh, we could try doing this a little bit. No, That's exactly how I feel. That's exactly what I felt like when I was writing like the blurb for the website. I was like, that is exactly the type of person that I know I can help. Yeah. Because I just feel like everybody is so bogged down with the daily juggling of those balls that if you stop for a second and drop one,
the wheels are gonna fall off. Yeah. Or you feel like they are and no one dare if they're head up a lot of the time cuz they're just peddling and peddling on the hamster wheel, you know, and it's like You, you kind of have an idea of how a business should work or we should be doing this or we should be doing that.
And that when I started to sort of put my, my membership together, I had to take a massive leap of faith because I was like, this kind of goes against everything that I've ever done before and I've ever thought about before. The, the woman who I was working with a, a consultant, she was incredible. She had that really big thinking.
Yeah, Really big. And, and I had to really trust what she was saying and I was like, well, do you know what's the worst? I'm very open minded. What's the worst that can happen? It doesn't work. So let's just go with it. Let's just, yeah, let's just do it. Let's just do it. And this is where my,
when I talk about my development and my always buying courses and all of that kind of stuff, it's put me now into a circle of people who are way ahead of me business wise, but who are really overjoyed to share what they're doing. Yeah. I'm, I'm a member of two masterminds, two business masterminds and there's people in those masterminds who have similar businesses to me.
And, and it's just wonderful that you, you know, you are, you are surrounded by people who will share, oh, I've done this, I've changed this, or I've I've added this, I've put in this, I've, you know, I'm doing this summit, I'm doing this, I'm doing, and they they share and they share their processes and they're really happy for you.
Yeah. Then to sort of go, oh well I could do something like that and, and I'll share, you know, what I'm doing that then it, it just puts you in a, in a circle of people who are all very similar in mindset, but Aspirational. I think surrounding yourself by people that have no drive makes you feel like perhaps it doesn't really matter if you don't.
Well, exactly. Yeah. And and that's, and that's probably, I mean, no disrespect to my like peers or the people that I've been knocking around with for years, but like I, I've got something in me that isn't like a lot of other people. I feel like sometimes and I finding those people that are like-minded is, it's, it's,
it's quite hard. You know, I don't, I dunno where to find those, but lucky for me, I found a couple and they're spurring me on all the time and I'm like, yeah, like what am I doing? What am I doing offering all of this for free? And I did a media kit for Wimpy the other week and my reach is like half a million a month.
I mean, what am I doing? Doing everything, all of the promotion, any kind product placement is all, I do it all for free. I've not charged a penny to anybody What we doing? You know, like, and I think and look at other people and they're making like 1200 pounds for a few people. Oh, that's ok. That's a really interesting question.
Why, why aren't you, what is it about making money that is, that is making you do stuff for free? Because it, cause It feels, it feels really disingenuous if I was then to start asking for a financial reward for something that I genuinely believe is the right thing to do. So, and I feel it feels dirty then. So if I take cash it and I hate even putting add on stuff,
stuff, I'm not getting anything back. I won't even take product for free ever. You know, I Aria are the only business that I deal with that send me stuff to wear that I don't pay for. I just, I I just feel grubby. I mindset. It's a mindset. You don't, you don't have to feel like that. It's cause I'm working,
I'm spending five hours a day on Facebook. But if you were coaching somebody to help them in, in their business, I've worked tirelessly. I've, you know, we've made a lot of sacrifices to grow this platform and I'm not getting any financial reward for it. I mean the books have obviously made me a certain amount of money, but I don't feel like on an ongoing financial return it isn't financially stable.
And it should be. Yeah, it should be because I work at it more than I work at. But If you think about A lot of other things, If it's not financially stable, then eventually it will. If you don't start charging for stuff, eventually it will have to go. You'll have Able that Now think about the thousands of people who that would affect.
Yeah, I know. I know. And that's why, so there's, there's things that I am now dabbling in. Like, so I'm recording this podcast of you and it was you that got me thinking about it. And actually I had a conversation with a very successful influencer at badminton this as me and her dad. And he said, you, you know,
you're quite interesting. You should, you should be on a, doing a podcast yourself and Oh yes Vic, you're quite interesting. But I can talk a lot about lot of things and I, I'm openminded enough to be able to take on board the opinions of others. I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I've got quite a broad experience of a lot of areas that would be interesting for other people to listen to.
And I think People would love it. I think think They would love it. I swear a lot. I want why swear a lot and people find it a bit crass, you know, and I, I do worry about, so it's a reason that I haven't gone into YouTube is I don't want my children to be embarrassed of me when they're older.
And that worries me a lot. So, and I know, I know you just looked like yeah, they're love for who they're blah, I get it. But you know, I don't want it to be like, oh, mommy's a fucking embarrassment. You know, like, sh would you shut up on the internet mom? Because it's really embarrassing.
I don't want them to look back at some of the stuff I've done and be like, did you really take a picture of yourself in a portal having a shit? Yes I did, son. Like I posted it to thousands of people on the internet when I sat on the toilet with my pants down, probably Poo coming outta my bum. And I was doing a video on Facebook.
Yeah, I did because I'll tell you what else, it was like one of those prolific moments where everyone will always be, there'll always be that person inside on the morning of a show. They will, I'm just prepared to it. I'm prepared to say, I'm like, I've got no problem talking about poos and I've got no problem. Like I,
I feel, I feel like I'm at a time in my life where so many people have had their hands up my vagina. I just, I'm past carry. I just feel like, yeah, I'll take my clothes off at one weekend and dive into a pad pool, don't care. Like I've got bits of wobble bits that don't, I just, I'm,
but That's great. I've lost all Inhibitions that don't need drink. That's, That's great. Cause you know, and I, I honestly believe we need more genuine people and if people don't like swearing then you know, you can beep out the swearing. And when you have your podcast editing I'll try. I'll, I try, I try really hard. People Don't hear me swear so people don't hear me swear and they,
they they don't hear me swear. I actually can swear quite a lot. I swear at my dogs all the time. It's, I'm in my adjectives. So I maybe I should just read us the saru of an evening a bit more. Like just Change the f word to flipping. Just change it to flipping. Don't feel as weighty though. No,
it doesn't. It's funny we went into, we went out tea last night and we, we, we walked into the, my children were always taking the, the mickey out of me. We went, went out for tea and we stood at the bar waiting and the woman was like, oh, just wonder a second. And off she went. And Frank kind of my eldest who's like 20, 23,
he kind of turns around and goes, do, do you not know who she is? Do you not know who my mum is? I was like, you know, they're always making these, of course nobody knows who I am, but you know, they're always making this this joke that, oh you know mum, oh you're on on Instagram, oh you're on this,
that and the other. I'm like, oh for goodness sake. Yeah. Yeah. But it's u it's usually just my hand. They're So, they're so funny. They might not Recognize my face, But I think honestly being genuine, I, I think it is the, I follow a lady on Instagram and her podcast Mel Robbins from the USA and she is flipping awesome.
Yeah. She herself, She's what motivating or she's, She's motivating, but she'll come on with like really, really really crap hair. Or she'll have like a, a story where she's done something really stupid or whatever and she has got, I think she's got one of the biggest podcasts out there, right? She's I saw that, I saw that the about your hair mate.
I don't you done something I, cuz I never really pick up on cuz I get lots of crappy comments on, on stuff. Everybody does. Anytime you've, you put, you have, I, I know you have Yeah, jealousy. We just have to just suck it up and, and, and off you go. But it was just the point it popped up and I was like,
what, what is So random? It's so random. And it actually made me laugh quite a lot. So I thought, oh, do you know, and I don't normally pick up on stuff like that on my social media and I thought, you know, I'm just gonna say something. I was just like, you know, the amount of comments that I've had,
oh, you look so nice. Oh don't you know, don't worry. And, and actually What My hair looks like, yeah. Who gives a fuck what your hair looks like? I know. I'm just like, that's, that's how I feel about a lot of these people that I help. They, they dwell on something quite trivial. You know,
the, the problems that that actually exist are, are quite trivial and easy to overcome if they, if they just realize that actually your hair just like, but somebody that isn't that in tune with themselves and that far down that developmental stage would take that really personally and then they'd probably go and get it done or feel like they had to do something and then it'd be another focus to be like,
oh God, maybe I'm not perfect. I'm trying to please people all the time. And I just think, oh, it's such a tiresome way to live. It's so much nicer if you don't feel like that. And it's why I will never go back onto a yard with my horse ever again. So I rent a patch of grass and I am alone because that is where I am most comfortable.
I want that time in my field on my own, not worried about what other people think, what they're saying beyond my back, how I'm looking after my horse, you know, if I choose to treat him one way or not treat him another way or feed him one thing and not feed him another thing. It's no business of anybody else's, but when you are on a yard,
it's quite insular and you get led by other people and you, I end up and I, I have done it for the whole of my life as far as I can remember. I've made out that I'm shitter than I actually am so that other people feel more comfortable around me and, and why on earth I think that that's a good thing to be is beyond me because although I've lacked confidence on this horse,
I am actually really capable. I'm a really capable rider. I've ridden probably near on 500 horses in the last 30 years. I am not shit, but I have made out that I am because other people might like me more, might find me more less of a threat. You know, if I go out there and I'm like, yeah, I'm actually really good,
I can really help you. I, I'd feel probably a little bit like, oh God, I'm really nervous now. I've gotta actually, you know, prove that I'm really good or, but I think as I've got older I've realized actually it's better to just say nothing and let people make that assumption for themselves. I don't, I don't say whether I'm good or bad now.
I think that's, I've always put myself down to make up of people feel. That's It. That's self-deprecating thing. It's something that I, so I'll always, you know, I talk about, I don't, couldn't tell less about my appearance and everything and, and, and actually I do like who I am. I don't like the weight that I am at all because it means that I'm not as mobile as I want to be and I'm getting older and Do you really,
really like food because Yeah, but I don't. Well that's it. And if you enjoy that area of your life where you just think job, it's worth it. Sometimes it's, but sometimes it's worth it. Yeah. But I mean, would you be happier, like not letting yourself have something that you really enjoy or being a couple of pounds thinner?
Well, I, well I need to be, mine's a little bit more than a couple of pounds, but the, the my, what I sometimes get really frustrated with is that I don't actually eat an awful lot. So I don't sit here eating chocolate and crispen, you know, I actually eat a really healthy diet, but because of my joint issues I find it really difficult to do the Exercises That,
so I swim. But I I I find it really, I find it a struggle to sort of walk any kind of long distance whatever. Yeah. Do any kind. Cardio knees Are really bad cause my knees are bad and my knees are bad because I'm fat and I can't, and it's this vicious circle and it's so some, most of the time I'm like,
oh, for goodness sake, it's fine. And I'm doing yoga now and that's really, really helping. Yeah, That's where, that's where I was going next. Oh yeah. I'm gladly love It. Honestly, I have, I have an amazing lady, Carrie and I do yoga every Wednesday and it's really helped, really, really helped. And a couple of years ago where I had a,
a personal trainer and they got me doing kettle bells and because I'm completely twisted, I've got a, a replacement hip and I'm, I'm completely, I'm like, my body's all over the place and I'm lopsided. We were doing these kettle bells and it totally knackered my back and it knackered my back for two years. Just and to the point where it's just like you couldn't get comfortable lying down and it was just like,
No, No. Well, six weeks of yoga it's gone. Nice. I, and I, and I'll say I'm a massive advocate for yoga. Not even from an exercise point of view or mobility point of view. Mine was purely so in the middle of my two wonderful children, we lost a baby quite late on into a pregnancy and I was 19 weeks pregnant.
And so I'd, I'd had a baby albeit premature healthy, like brilliant delivery, had a great time, like had been a mother for a year, fell pregnant again, and yeah, we got midway through, I was so excited to find out the gender of this baby that I booked a private gender reveal scan. I was like, Ooh, plan all this gender reveal.
Yeah. So, and we got to this clinic and we were sitting there like, oh, we went for lunch first and we were deciding on names for a boy and a girl, you know, the fucking old age. It was like just the, it was like a film I think back now. And it was, it was like a scene in a film where it is panning out with some slow music and then they walk into the clinic and the lady knew me.
She was wearing, I was wearing a pair of Fairfax boots. She said, oh, I was really hoping it was you. Cuz obviously we, I'd been very open about how difficult a time we'd had to conceive with the first baby. And I was really hoping it was you when your name was on the list today. And she followed me online.
And then 10 minutes later she had the awful job of telling us that our baby had no heartbeat and it was dead. I can, I honestly, it was, I, I instinctively at that time, and I still now felt worse for her than I did for myself. And I consoled her at the point of her telling me my baby was dead.
And I said, it's okay. You, it's fine. And she was, honestly, she was scanning for ages. It felt like an eternity on this big screen in front of us was just a baby winner heartbeat. And, and my husband started crying and I, I just, I just was consoling everybody in the room, but myself and I drove us to the hospital.
Cause we had to have it confirmed then by the nhs and relaying the story of what had just happened. And then waiting for a sonographer. There wasn't one, I had to go to radiology, have a, an ultrasound done by someone that also wasn't geared up for telling me whether the baby was dead. You know, that was not their training or their job.
They were just a radiographer from those scan joints. So don't tell people that their babies have died, you know? So again, I was in that consoling position, guess it's okay, it's fine, everything's gonna be fine. It's okay. You, it's okay to tell me that it's died, you know, that's fine. And then I went home and it was just probably the most surreal,
probably 24 hours. I didn't actually cry until probably that evening where it's like, gosh, that's really not a very nice position to be in. Now I'm sitting at home with a dead baby inside me because I, it, it was a Saturday and apparently the NHS stopped on a Saturday. No they don't. But there was no, there was no result because my body hadn't registered a miscarriage.
It hadn't registered the death. There was no sign of bleeding. There was just still, my body was clinging onto a pregnancy of a, of a baby that had passed away probably a few weeks before it actually had. So again, bit rubbish. My body was just letting me down on all fronts. And I think, yeah, I, I did probably get a bit upset for what we had planned that day and how it hadn't gone well.
But the whole enormity of it hadn't sunk in at all. And then I was absolutely adamant that I didn't want to deliver the baby naturally. So I'd had such an amazing birth with my first child that I was utterly stubborn in. I'm ab I'm, I'm not going and having a labor and a delivery of a dead baby. Not, not a chance.
I don't want that to happen. So I pushed and pushed for what they call A D N C, which is under general anesthetic and it's just over and dealt with. Then you wake up and you can go back to normal. That's, that's how I imagine it being in my head anyway, because of Covid and the trust that I'm in. They wouldn't do it.
I pushed and pushed for longer than I should have ended up staying at home for almost a week, knowing that the baby was still dead and caused myself an awful lot of unnecessary trauma. Ended up having to labor anyway. And I mean, I'm not gonna go into the detail of that on here, but that was by far the worst day of my life.
And I don't think anything can ever prepare you for something that you really, really don't want to see. And now I talk about it after months of therapy, which I don't feel for me as a person really helped. I didn't feel like watching videos and talking to someone that hadn't been through what I had been through really helped me at all. I was always that pessimistic,
like, I just don't think you can help me. And I think because I put that barrier up before I even got there, it didn't help. What did help was the miscarriage association were really great, but also talking about it all the time as though it, even as though it happened to someone else. And the more I talked about it, the easier it got to accept that that had happened and the easier it got for me to deal with my emotion around the process that we went through.
But what hasn't still sunk in is whether I believe in myself that we lost a baby, or whether it was a scientific pregnancy loss that meant we just lost a fetus. I can't still now in my head, I can't understand whether we lost a son, which it was a boy. Did I lose a child or did I lose a pregnancy? And I'm still not there mentally yet.
So I know that that takes, it can take some women years to understand that for themselves. But I feel like there's a lot of pressure on women that have had a miscarriage to grieve a baby. And for the sake of social media, I feel like I should feel grief and loss of a child. But I don't think I do. And I think it's the pressure of that social media influence that makes me feel I should grieve the loss.
And you know, you see women and that's, you know, everyone's personal, but like tattoos of the name of the child that they've lost on their arm or I, and I'm not that person. I don't think I, I don't think I feel that, but then saying it out loud makes me feel heartless. So all of this confusion anyway, background to the reason I started this whole miscarriage conversation is yoga is the only thing that got me out of this period of time that could have very easily escalated into quite a serious bout of depression.
And I'm not ashamed to say that there were times where I never imagined ever feeling like I could end my life or anything like that. I had George and I had Gary and, and I, you know, I am lucky that I had a lot of other distractions in my life, but there was a time where I thought, I just don't wanna get out of bed.
I don't wanna face anyone, I don't wanna go to the shop. I just, the thought of just even going on my phone and doing the food shopping online and having to see a man at the door was just, I just, and I had to do something, start yoga. Don't even know who recommended it to me, but the clarity just after,
so I did three days of the same video on YouTube. I did three days of the same program to try and learn the basics. It was yoga for beginners by a lady called Adriannene. Yeah, she a dog. Like I loved it. I was like, right. So I did three days yoga for beginners, exactly the same thing for three days.
And I was like, right, she does a 30 day challenge once a year. Did that, did the 30 days. And I'll tell you now after, if I didn't do it for one day, I slipped back into that awful feeling of just desolation. I think it was just, I just felt lost. I felt like there was no purpose.
I didn't feel like I had any drive to do anything or get our bell or get going in a morning. I'd, I'd almost like not resent parenting George, but I was like, oh, just something, just, there was just some always saying missing on the days I didn't do it. And the days I did do it, I finished the session,
I had a glass of water, I felt like a completely different person. I felt like I felt motivated, I felt almost like challenged. I was like looking forward some days I'd do it twice a day and that sounds like an obsession and doesn't it? But after 30 days, I then went down to kind of every other day, then I went down to like once every couple of weeks,
you know? And, and it was almost like a drug that I was then weaning myself off. And now I feel exactly the same again. But motivation with business or, so if I get a bit stagnant with work or I'm like, yesterday, oh we had a really challenging parenting day yesterday where we thought, wouldn't it be nice for the kids recovery?
I mean it was just a fucking carnage. And you, I got home and I thought, God just, I just need 20 minutes to myself and I'll just take the laptop outside and I'll just go and spend 20 minutes on the map. With, with with Adrian. I feel like I'm cheating on my husband. Yeah, she, and I've always fired this same woman and it's just,
it's totally free. I just use these videos online and the clarity it gives me in every area of my life now is amazing. So every morning I've made, so Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, all the weekdays I get up every morning before everyone else. I do 20 or 30 minute session, have a glass of water, makeup,
tea, go back upstairs, start my day, you know, I like, and that's how I work Monday to Friday, Saturday and Sunday I have off come off. I would take it, take the weekend off. I take the weekend off because I drink on a weekend now. So I've started a band wine Sunday night through to Friday night. Friday night you can have a drink Saturday night,
you can have a drink. But it was, it was a slippery slope. You didn't get into drinking like, oh, I'll have a glass of wine when the kids are gonna bed. And then it's like, oh, I'll have a glass of wine with dinner. So that's two glass of wine every night. It because one financially unsustainable. Two,
because I drink really nice wine, this is not financially viable. And then too, I just think for my health, I was waking up in the morning feeling a bit like, well I'm just not hungover because obviously I'm immune to hangovers. I just felt groggy. Just, it's not a good way to start your day. Is it just hanging out your ass a bit?
So I just now leave it for the weekends. But I've noticed that as you get older you've gotta start making these lifestyle changes and big ones, you know, you can't just be like, oh, I'll stop drinking for a week and hope for the best since I stopped smoking, I've been way more healthy, way more healthy. I, I do miss it sometimes,
I'll be honest, we've moved into this house next door smokes. I sometimes God just, just breathe that into my lungs really, cuz But then I just think I, I've made that choice and I feel better for it. So the wine choice is the next one to go. I've gotta just like, everyday drinking is probably not the one to sustain a long and healthy life for my children.
I need to have a bit more self-control. So I'm trying to make a few changes and they're, they're all kind of happening all at the same time. So we'll see. We'll see how long it lasts. See how I, and last night, you know, it was, it was challenging last night, the carvery situation and you Know, I,
It was just awful. So I was like, right, I'm i'll. I'm trying if, if I can get through tonight without a glass of wine, we nailed it. Not every day's gonna be like this. No. We were at the, my daughter and I went to see the Little Mermaid last week were there at view in York. And,
and this lady comes in with these two little, I dunno whether they're twins, but they look like they were like three or four, these two little girls. And you kinda sat them down and I was like, you know, you'd, you'd normally, if you've got two children, you'd normally put yourself in the middle and put one child on the side.
No, she put the two children next to me and then sat at the end. So I've got this little girl kept on kind of looking at me and my daughter like making faces her and everything. I was like, but these two little girls, she clearly had come out with the intention that we're gonna have the most fantastic afternoon, the little mermaid,
it's gonna be amazing. And they were so naughty And, and speaking from experience, if it's, if it's two on you are fucking outnumbered. Are outnumbered, you know, I are. And three, and I'll tell you now if they want to, they've got me. Yeah. Because there's two of them and one of me, Well she ended up,
I mean they were running down the, the thing she ended up halfway through literally Scooping 'em up And off they went and they were like, and I was like, that woman, all she wanted to do was, and she'll have had that idea in her head, oh we're gonna have gonna have a lovely one. A little no No. Cause deep down they're just fucking assholes.
They're not for a time I thought, I've got it nailed, I've absolutely got it. Now my kids are really well behaved. And then you, you go to somewhere like we went to yesterday and you know, we, we went out numbers yesterday. There was two parents, two parents, two kids. You think that would be a nice situation with my little cereal box family going for a lovely Sunday carvery at the garden center following a nice round soft off play.
You thought this is, I'm setting up for a really good day. Well, I'll tell you now, it was dreadful. It was probably one of the most stressful days parenting I think we've had as a married couple. I thought if I could now I would chop off your penis just so we never have to have this situation ever again. It was,
oh gosh. I think as well, you know, I like you have such grand ambitions as, as a, as a per as a person. You know, what can I get done this weekend? Nothing gets ticked off the list, you know, you think, right, I'm gonna get home, I'm gonna plant and plant something we got from the garden center.
No you're not. No you're not. No you're not. Just have absolutely zero expectation of your day and they're the best parenting days. Make a plan. You, you, you're just losing all the time. I just don't, don't plan for things with children, particularly ones under the age of five. I think once they get a bit older, I'm sure it gets easier.
But don't be making plans with tiny ones, my goodness. Cuz they will scuffle them all. Can't walk through a shop, but that hour want those bubbles. And I, and I'm I I I don't now worry about what other people think of me as a mother. Yeah. Because I've, I've had the worst, I'll relay one story in particular because otherwise I might get a knock from social services.
We were walking down Lincoln High Street, I was going to Clarks for a shoe fitting for the older child. And I am usually quite good in front of the kids. I am quite careful with my mouth, but obviously not 100% godly about it. And we walked past m and s and it was heaving with old people and my child heard a busker in the street and he turned to me in the loudest voice I think I've ever heard him say,
mommy, what's that fucking noise? And I, I, I can't out whether I was more embarrassed over the sound that just came outta my three-year-old's face. The, the look of horror on the old lady's faces it, I swear they turn around. It looked like I'd set him on fire. That's what they look like. Or the pride in the use of the objective in the right context.
I, I couldn't keep the smirk off my face. And I, and I just explained to him that yes, that is someone on the street begging with a clarinet, but it was just the most perfectly timed swear word coming out a three-year-old that I couldn't get cross. So I just said, well that's really a mummy word to use. And from that point,
mommy's tried to be a bit more careful about the words that she uses in front of the children. But I, I just, there's no rule book for it. Is there, there's no rule book for it. And you know, my kid says, fuck are my other kid eats bird shit. I think I'm not really a book that should be be followed but happy.
And they're healthy and they're rounded. And I just think That's all that matters. Yeah. As long as they're happy, I really don't, I think you can, When they're an adult or a teenager, they'll swear anyway. Yes. They, and they'll they'll do things that I don't want 'em to do. I'm, I'm, I'm really looking. Everyone says,
oh no, rose is my, my second child Rose, she's 60 months old and she is the absolute model child has been from the beginning. Her entry into the world wasn't ideal, but her baby stage was just total perfect textbook scenario. Slept through the night from five weeks old, dropped night feeds quicker than you can shake a sticker. She was just,
she's easy to entertain. You can sit her down with one toy and she'll play with it for ages. She loves sitting with a coffee and a bit of cake. Not her with a coffee, but me. She'll, she'll sit for out. She's like a, she's the model child, but everyone said, oh, you wait till she's a teenager that the tables will turn.
So George has been a little more tricky as a toddler. I think he will be very sensitive and sensible as an an older boy. And I think she will be trouble. And I'm well, I'm looking forward to it. I'll tell you now, I'm all for a bit of cleavage and a on night girl as long as I can come with you'll try together.
You know, I'm, I'm so open to allowing them to be, but I, I'll be, I'll be that one that you are like, mom, you've really gotta stay at home mom. You've really gotta wear something a bit more appropriate or, you know, I'm gonna be that one. So I like, and, but I'm, I'm excited for that next developmental stage in the children's lives,
like school and friends and Yeah, I'm ready for that. Ready for it. It's, it's such a, it's such a big deal, isn't it, for so many people. It's, they're like, oh, the transition, but I'll tell you now for the second child, if you've only got one listening to this with one kid. The second one is,
is a is a cinch. I just feel like, cause you've been there and you've done it all, haven't you? Yeah, yeah. But the, the milestones are so much less prevalent. I just feel like, like she's just started walking and we've not videoed much of it. Or George was like, my god, he took a step. Oh he took another one.
Let's thes in a pair of shoes, you know, I'm like, oh my God. The first, the first time it ever stood on its feet shoes immediately, should I spend 35 pounds on a pair of shoes that aren't gonna see any soil? You know? Whereas with those, I'm like, well, you can be barefoot and so you are old enough to need stilettos cause they're,
and if you don't fit in his shoes, you are, nah, it's just not worth it. It's just the difference in the second child's immense. And I was really like, oh, we're having a girl. I'll buy all the pink stuff. I was like, nah, forget it. She can wear all of that one's clothes. No, it's,
and the, the, I think the first few sets of clothes, I was like, oh, aren't these dresses lovely? Totally impractical. Just put her in joggers and jumpers like the other one. Forget it. I we're just, it's much easier, much easier. A second time round. I just, oh Gosh. Then wait till the third one arrives.
That's when you've got trouble No More. No, we've, we've route vasectomy now successfully convinced my husband to have the gelding process. Yeah. Not Literally. Yeah, no, the, yeah, they're still intact, but they, they don't work anymore. So that's, that's the best scenario, isn't it? I just, yeah, I I I couldn't have done it again.
I was a geriatric mother with both of mine. So yeah, I'm done. I'm nearly 40 and I'm definitely done. I'm, I've definitely felt more tired as I've got older, like the longevity to keep going towards the end of the day. Like, I get to three o'clock and I'm, I can see seven coming really quickly. I do. I think it hits you when you get older though,
doesn't it? It hits you like a train. Some nights I'm asleep, I'll help us nine on the sofa. What I just Yeah, Yeah, yeah. I have quite a lot of energy. I'm, it's normally midnight by the time I go to bed. Yeah. Oh, and what time do you get out? Seven. Do you? Yeah,
well actually I'm probably awake by about six. Gosh, that's great. I'd love to be one of those people that could stay up at night, but I'm just not there at all. So The children and children are exhausting. They're exhausting are exhaust. They're, thank you. They really are. Because you've got that, you've got the physical exhaustion and the mental exhaustion of just checking where,
where they are all of the time. And that's what, that's what's really exhausting. I could talk to you forever and we must I know nearly, I know I've got a meeting in three minutes, would you for the podcast? Yeah, I think it would be absolutely brilliant. Be really, really good. Really good. I'll just put a, I'll just put a PG rating on it.
An X rating. Yes. No, there's no, there's no topics. I wouldn't want to be able to talk about you. Exactly. And I think that's, I dunno, that's really good. I've, I've really, really enjoyed chatting to you. Really enjoyed chatting and I hope the, the whole book thing goes goes really well. And, and you know,
hope you get some, I hope you get some clarity as well with, with Paul, with Paul Pat, with his X-rays and everything like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I just think I can't change it now, so what will be will be, and Thursday is the day, so Oh, well I'll be thinking about you. Yeah.
Well thank you so much for giving us No, thank you. Valuable time and yeah, we'll Chat again really, really Soon. Yeah. See you later. Thank you. Bye bye.
I really hope you enjoyed listening to this episode of my, It's A Bonny Old Life podcast. If you did, I'd be so grateful to you for emailing me or texting a link to the show or sharing it on social media with those you know,
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Till next time,
