How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs and Improve Your Confidence

Let’s talk about limiting beliefs that are the destroyer of confidence, as well as having a core set of beliefs. We also have many other things we tell ourselves we can't do or we are not good at. These limiting beliefs stop us from doing what we want to do, and they also keep us in our comfort zone, and we all know that the magic happens when we step out of that zone.

This quote, by Henry Ford, has always stood out to me “Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you are right”. The thing with limiting beliefs is we think they're true, whether it's about yourself, your relationships with other people or in the world that surrounds you, and that can have a really big effect on confidence. Many times, keeping you stuck in a negative mindset and stopping you from living a blissful and abundant life.

There are so many reasons for having limiting beliefs. Fear of failure, “I can't do that as I'll fail, so I won't bother”. Fear of success, “If I succeed, things will change”. Fear of rejection, we may be naturally less open-minded in situations, and we may have limiting beliefs instilled in us from our early childhood.

My current limiting belief stems from being middle-aged, overweight and ordinary. The belief that I'm overweight means I can't join the lovely spa I have my eye on because everyone will judge me and it will be a horrible experience. I have to say, I got over this belief very quickly.

I joined the spa. No one there cares in the slightest what I look like and every single time I go it’s wonderful and I come out a new person. I am so glad that I had a word with myself about that limiting belief.

The belief that I'm now in my fifties means I can't be a successful businesswoman. All the successful entrepreneurs are in their early thirties and look a certain way, don't they? I'm 53. I have made £500,000 in my first year of business, all the time being totally authentic, being me, not trying to be someone I'm not. I've discovered that that is a big part of why people follow me, because I'm always me and people can relate to someone who is not all glammed up, has bad hair days and doesn't always wear makeup. I have to say, I do make an effort to get dressed though.

I'm an ordinary single mum, I do ordinary single mum things like stack the dishwasher and do the washing multiple times a day. I'm also an extraordinary woman who has come through some really tough times, who has been brave enough to make changes and to take total responsibility for everything that I do. An extraordinary woman who takes every single limiting belief that pops up and creates new beliefs that enable me to keep on growing as a person, and keep on living the life I want to live in the way I want to live it.

Now, I'm just going to give you a few ideas of exercises to uncover your limiting beliefs. The first one is, what are other people doing that makes you feel like you are missing in your life? Think about things that make you feel less or limited. For example, they're a successful artist because they went to art school and got a degree. I didn't. Therefore, I can't be a successful artist, which is a total fallacy.

Number two, when you describe yourself, what do you usually tell people that you always or never do? Using language like “I always” or “I never” creates a limited description of yourself. For example, “I never complete a drawing, I always get bored and I have a draw full of unfinished pieces” or “I can't build a successful business because I've always been rubbish at all of that marketing stuff”. Two awful limiting beliefs because as soon as you tell yourself those stories, as soon as you put those words into your head, again, back to Henry Ford, “What you think you can or you think you can't, you're right”.

Number three, what areas in your life do you wish you could be more confident in? For me, it's about meeting larger groups face-to-face. I wish I could be more confident in going to the face-to-face networking meetings. I always make excuses. I know if I went, I’d get a huge amount from it and meet amazing people.

Number four, what were the common messages you heard from your parents or role models growing up? Think of a common phrase, family mantras, or friendly reminders. For example, “Oh, you're so good at drawing, but you can't make a career out of art. Haven't you heard the saying starving artist? Do that as a hobby”.

Your answers to these four questions will uncover your limiting beliefs, beliefs that you've been living by and have been holding you back from your full potential. To all of the answers to these questions, ask another question, is it true?

And I'm just going to finish on another quote that I love. “It's not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life. It's what you whisper to yourself that has the most power”, and that's a quote by Robert T. Kiyosaki.

You can listen to me talking about limiting beliefs in my It's A Bonny Old Life Podcast Episode here.